A little old lady wants to join a biker club. She knocks on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tatoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club." The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker requirements before she is allowed to join. So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times." ----------A young man bought the fastest motorcycle that money could buy: a Yamaondason 2000 SP 8.2. It was the most expensive bike in the world, costing $32,150.99. The first day he bought the new bike he took it for a spin. While doing so he stopped at a red light at the city limits. An elderly gentleman pulled up next to him on a moped. The man looked over at the bright, red, shiny, sleek, new motorcycle and asked, "What kind of scooter ya got there, sonny?" The young man replied, "It's a Yamaondason 2000 SP 8.2. It costs $32,150.99 out the door." "That's a lot of money," said the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this bike can go 200mph!" exclaimed the young man. The old fella asked, "Can I take a closer look at it?" "Sure," replied the new owner. From his moped, the old man leaned over and took a good look at the very fast-looking machine. Just then the light changed, so the young man decided to show the old guy what his new motorcycle could really do. He gave it full throttle and within 20 seconds the speedometer read 199mph. Suddenly, he noticed a dot in his rear-view mirror. It seemed to be getting closer! He slowed a little to see what it could be, and, suddenly, WHHHOOOSSSHHH, something whipped passed him going much faster. "What could be faster than my 2000 SP 8.2?" the young man thought to himself. Then, just ahead of him, he saw the dot coming back at him. WHHHOOOSSSHHH! It went flying by him again, going in the opposite direction! It almost looked like the elderly man on the moped! "How could that be?" thought the young man. Again he saw the dot in his mirror! WHHHOOOSSSHHH! KABBBLAMMM! The moped slammed into the rear of the shiny new 2000 SP 8.2, demolishing the rear end of the young rider's pride and joy. The young man jumped off and saw it was the old timer. Of course the moped was crushed, and the old man was lying on the ground, pretty beat up. The young man ran over to him and asked, "Are you hurt? Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man groaned and replied, "Yes, would you please unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror?" -----------
">
Bike Humor
Sgt.B A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!" ----------- A little old lady wants to join a biker club. She knocks on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tatoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club." The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker requirements before she is allowed to join. So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times." ---------- A young man bought the fastest motorcycle that money could buy: a Yamaondason 2000 SP 8.2. It was the most expensive bike in the world, costing $32,150.99. The first day he bought the new bike he took it for a spin. While doing so he stopped at a red light at the city limits. An elderly gentleman pulled up next to him on a moped. The man looked over at the bright, red, shiny, sleek, new motorcycle and asked, "What kind of scooter ya got there, sonny?" The young man replied, "It's a Yamaondason 2000 SP 8.2. It costs $32,150.99 out the door." "That's a lot of money," said the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this bike can go 200mph!" exclaimed the young man. The old fella asked, "Can I take a closer look at it?" "Sure," replied the new owner. From his moped, the old man leaned over and took a good look at the very fast-looking machine. Just then the light changed, so the young man decided to show the old guy what his new motorcycle could really do. He gave it full throttle and within 20 seconds the speedometer read 199mph. Suddenly, he noticed a dot in his rear-view mirror. It seemed to be getting closer! He slowed a little to see what it could be, and, suddenly, WHHHOOOSSSHHH, something whipped passed him going much faster. "What could be faster than my 2000 SP 8.2?" the young man thought to himself. Then, just ahead of him, he saw the dot coming back at him. WHHHOOOSSSHHH! It went flying by him again, going in the opposite direction! It almost looked like the elderly man on the moped! "How could that be?" thought the young man. Again he saw the dot in his mirror! WHHHOOOSSSHHH! KABBBLAMMM! The moped slammed into the rear of the shiny new 2000 SP 8.2, demolishing the rear end of the young rider's pride and joy. The young man jumped off and saw it was the old timer. Of course the moped was crushed, and the old man was lying on the ground, pretty beat up. The young man ran over to him and asked, "Are you hurt? Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man groaned and replied, "Yes, would you please unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror?" -----------
Sgt.BHad to get this one in here too. What if Motorcycles were made by: If IBM made motorcycles ... They would want one big bike that people can ride if they first submit (for overnight processing) a request to use the resources. Thousands of other users could use the bike at the same time due to its ability to efficiently schedule use of the major components. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe, six motorcycles. If Radio Shack made motorcycles ... The staff would sell you a bike, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own bike! If Oracle made bikes ... They'd claim their motorcycle was compatible with all types and styles of riders, but when you got it home you'd discover the Cruising Engine was still in development, the Short Rider's Support Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole thing was just blowing smoke (Hey! Like an old Harley!). If Sun Microsystems made motorcycles ... The oil would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java. Does DEC still make bikes? ... They made good motorcycles in the '80s, didn't they? If Hewlett-Packard made motorcycles ... They would market the Reverse Polish Gear Shift Procedure, which requires the driver to shift gears with his right hand, engage the clutch with his left foot, brake with left hand and right foot. If Cray made motorcycles ... They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other motorcycle in the world. If Sony made motorcycles ... The BikeMan, which would be barely larger than a skateboard, can be conveniently attached to your belt (whether you're using it or not). If Price Club/CostCo made motorcycles ... They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em. And, of course: if Microsoft made motorcycles ... Motorcycle '95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a pair of reinforced steel wheels), would offer a 'plug and drive' way to connect new add-ons to your bike (chrome, J&M radios, Widder electrics, etc. would all be easily added to your bike's operating system registry), take up 95% of the space in your garage, would claim to be the first bike that lets you control how how much fuel is mixed with air while the engine is running without knowing any special skills, and would secretly interrogate your other vehicles to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft motorcycles, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good add-ons from J&M, Big Bike, Show Chrome, Markland et al. only work with Microsoft motorcycles.
Retro
quote:
but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good add-ons from J&M, Big Bike, Show Chrome, Markland et al. only work with Microsoft motorcycles.
Wait a minute....that sounds suspisciously familiar already..... Ride safe! Retro

"Life may begin at 30, but it get's real interesting around 150."
KCLuIf you two are that bored today, I have an html project that I could really use some help on. Ummm, folks, is it not a little screwy that they have more time to loaf at the office than I do at home? Ride safe & Sparkly! Lu
bearDo these guys get paid for working or just get to use the puters as a form of pay, seems as if my job isn't as good as theirs Joe [the bear] noli illegitimi carborundum
KCLuBear, you don't have a job, remember? Yer retired! (smarty ass ) Ride safe & Sparkly! Lu
JimThey would market the Reverse Polish Gear Shift Procedure, which requires the driver to shift gears with his right hand, engage the clutch with his left foot, brake with left hand and right foot. and the throttle would be on the left side? That's been done. They called that bike an INDIAN CHIEF Jim AMA Ironbutt Association Jimmy is not very sharing and does not play well with others First grade report card 19--
FXSBNow Jim, a lot of people on this board don't remember when an Indian came without a block stamped S&S LOL "Gray-hair bikers don't get that way by accident"
RetroLOL Jim! That's the first thing I thought of! It's funny how something so functional at the time as the left-handed throttle now seems silly. I think Indian should have done the right thing and said forget the S&S and lets build a motor of our own AND lets go back to a left-hand throttle. Oh well...they didn't ask me ! Ride safe! Retro

"Life may begin at 30, but it get's real interesting around 150."
Sgt.BThis from the lefty.
RetroDAYAM RIGHT! You know what they say about us left-handed people....right?? We're in our right mind. Where does that put the rest of you?? Funny thing is, the current right-hand throttle is technically a "left-handed" bike. The idea of having the throttle on the left was to enable to police officers and soldiers to be able to use their primary hand to shoot. So all you righties are riding left-handed bikes!!!! Ride safe! Retro

"Life may begin at 30, but it get's real interesting around 150."
Sgt.BActually, we ride left handed bikes so you feel like you fit in....
RetroWorks for me!! Ride safe! Retro

"Life may begin at 30, but it get's real interesting around 150."
Nite_Ryderim right minded

MIKE

[url="http://niteryder.homestead.com"][/url]